PREFACE:
This assignment was a painful reality check as it calls for me to decide do things I've wanted to do but haven't, and for me to face up to my intolerance for change and my overall social atrophy.  I tried for many days to write this assignment in a stoic, non-disclosing manner that portrayed my reality in a better light, but kept failing at making something worthwhile--the nature of the exercise requires honesty, and so I've given into writing some pretty baring truths. I have been afraid that the honest descriptions below will cause some sort of loss of respect (though we don't really know each other well so the potential loss is perhaps not that large).  Yet, I wish for guidance and mentoring that I believe would be most fruitful if I write/speak honestly. So here goes/warning.  (And also a request for confidentiality.)

ASSESSMENT/REASONING FOR EXPERIMENT SELECTIONS:
It has always been the case that I've worked hard to keep up the appearance that I am confident and capable in life, but this effort of farce has been especially true recently.  One way to save face, that I've taken on recently, is to simply not show face--that is to isolate myself from all things challenging, new, social, etc.  This withdrawal began before my brother's murder, but gained undeniable momentum after it. Two key reasons for my earlier withdrawal were: 1) workplace frustration (this was a originally a conscious decision, stemming from many years of systemic sexism in software development that I was no longer willing/had the energy to fight), and 2) becoming a remote worker after moving to Portland in 2014 (which meant that I no longer naturally had opportunities for creative/interactional challenges within most of my work and was mostly relinquished to grunt work).

My decision to pursue this MBA program, though I didn't dare write it in my essay, was essentially to fight to return to the person I had once seen both in my work and personally, and towards the leader I hoped yet to be. I needed a force beyond myself to begin to progress again, and believed this program would be a gentle way to wake up all my skills. In the past few years, my husband often urged me to 'just get a new job.' I do want a new job. But being a deconstructed version of myself right now makes that hard to envision, let alone to sell my qualities to a hiring committee.

This said, reading the week's excerpt from Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader was the first time that I've felt that my self-deconstruction might be a blessing.  I have experienced wondrous successes in life via my work and my charisma leading to achievements, and these successes once led to a confidence that evolved into pride.  My pride seemed rational to me back then, as it was based on previous experiences.  But I am nearly certain it would have blocked me from trying out new methods and attempts to act and think differently.  Thank you for sharing this text, it rekindled hope for me and provided a purposeful context for my challenges--I have purchased the book to read!

PROPOSED EXPERIMENTS:
Experiment 1:
From the Rejuvenating & Restoring and Time-shifting & Replacing genres: go to the gym (M-Sat) first thing in the morning, so to become strong mentally and physically as well as to set a mindful precedent of self-value by setting aside time for myself
Metrics:
-Did I go to the gym this morning?  Today?
-Did I go to bed at reasonable hour so to get up early?  How much sleep did I get?
-Did I feel angry/sad/victimized about giving up too much time on work/others today?

Experiment 2:
Out of the Grow Your Network exercise, Appreciating & Caring genre, and Revealing & Engaging genre: be bravely social and practice vulnerability with a friend/friends/coworkers, as a step to expanding to other social networking opportunities
Metrics:
-Did I meet with or have a 15 min phone conversation with someone this week?
-Did I reach out/ instigate the conversation/meeting?
-Did I talk/ share during the meeting or revert to only listening?
-Did I communicate beyond work tasks with my work team this week?
-Do I feel more interested in expanding my network than yesterday?

Experiment 3:
From the Focusing & Concentrating and Revealing & Engaging genres (and interview with him as a Stakeholder): quality time with my husband to improve home happiness, willingness for vulnerability, and communication skills
Metrics:
-Did we schedule time together this week?
-Did we talk face-to-face for 30 mins without distraction twice this week?
-Did I learn anything new about him this week?
-Did I share how I am feeling during these times or revert to listening?
-Did he feel like he learned anything about you this week?

Experiment 4:
From the Tracking and Reflecting genre: Read Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader and journal about it and my other experiments daily. In order to solidify what I learn from the other experiments, I need to take time to reflect and pray.
Metrics:
-Did I write about my experiences and readings today? Did I pray about them?
-Did I read the book today (until finished)?
-What did I learn today?  What have I learned overall?
-Have I talked about what I'm learning with others?

CONCLUSION:
I am really looking forward to conducting these experiments.  They seem simple but having a clearer strategy and means to measure them makes them actionable.  Thank you for this class and for helping ensure it is a part of the MBA curriculum.  I hope to work with you further if you are willing/able.


Notes:

4 Way Wins / A pocketful of prospects:

What could I do within a month or so? 

Ideas:

-Find a mentor and/or meet with Niki

-Exercise regularly to start my day/ return to regular sleep schedule

-Take a vacation and try out the things I once loved = play

-Reconnect with home, family & faith = foundation

-Schedule coffee dates with Noa to share yourself & connect face to face

-Find someone to talk business with as a mentor

-Continue therapy

-Meet with people/socialize 1x week or at least call them.  Build relationships.

-Be willing to relearn. Take on a beginner’s attitude, shift your thinking to it being just an experiment, not the definition of your ego.