almost funny

I used to watch Mr. Roger's Neighborhood  on TV as a kid.  My favorite part of the show was when they zoomed into a painting of a stoplight and then zoomed out into a 2 minute bit on how things are made.  It showed the behind the scenes of certain jobs, like a crayon factory, and blew open the doors to a dimension of the world I had never considered: that crayons had to be made, and that someone made them, and that there was a process to that.  

I feel like I am watching one of those bits again.  A portal opening to a world I was unaware of.  Instead of crayons, I am watching what it's like when your brother is murdered by gunshot.  

-The matter-of-factness of it: googling "how to get over a loved one's murder"

-The sick humor in it: my stepdad texting me a picture of my mom and a backpack from the airport: "mom and josh say hi".  Josh's remains are in an urn in the backpack.

-what a dead body looks like when it's someone you love, when it's someone that died young