Not An Exercise

Let's run until we hit the zone forever
We won't even know what we were worried about
Life will be so fucking zen
And we'll know we're living

If 90% of everything is actually nothing
What the fuck were we doing

People die fast and slow
But they die always and always once

Tell me the thing about running you said again? You weren't running anywhere, really?
You were already there, when you were there?


Suppose heaven is silent
What the fuck were we doing
Pretending to be too good to sing

Do you think we were created to be nothings
Nothinging our way to nothing towards nowhere?

We all know the sky is blue. If I ask you right now, you'll tell me without looking.
But it's not, it's not, God damn you, it's fucking magenta, and we're all still dying.

Maybe God is God because He sees the color of everything at every exact moment, in the whole universe.  And we refuse to believe in Him because we can't convince ourselves to look with Him at our little part.

Birds know God, I know this for a fact.  The tiniest of birds sings a song at the very break of dawn, and we, roll over sleepily, annoyed at the tired darkness.

This tiny bird is bigger than us too, she has seen thousands of miles under the beats of her wings.  She knows the treetops and valleys and chimneys like God knows the hairs on your head.

I'm not saying to fucking fly.  I'm just saying you're here and I'm here and when you see me, hold my hand and know its weight and its ridges and
maybe next time
fuck me with your eyes open

The prudent thing

Never really 

Helped anyone

Prudent means

Pretending to control

As though limiting your joy in the moment will imcrease your joy in the future

Everything that I want to do is not prudent.

So I do nothing.

I would like to run around dancgin, just dancing.  

I would to be brave and talk to strangers.  

I would like to travel and be uncomfortable.

I would like to have sex every damn day.

I would like to have a kid right now.  In the middle  of the city.  With lead paint walls and noise all night and no money.  

I would like to spend my days writing and reading and draw and dance my feelings.

I would like art to not need to be an event.  I would like art to be default.

I would like to put all the things away in the bedroom.

I would like a job where I talk to people again.  (But this one IS prudent.)

I would like to write songs and sing them at open mics.

I would like to be a better improv-er.

I would like to run until I permanently hit a zone.

I would like to be the parent that is comfortable getting dirty.

I would like to call my mom.

I need to call my dad.

I should call Nana.

note to self: don't read client comments on cases after just waking up.  you will be too tired to actually respond and will not have your emotional shield in position yet, so all their stupidity will be extra annoying.  wait until you've showered and dressed, just as though you're going out to work, even if you work from home.

a side question: what is it about the customer/client relationship that allows them to feel like double checking things and being nice are not necessary?  how can we foster better? or are they trained from other life experiences?